question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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