I think i peed on brittanys purse
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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