can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
