My hand turned me down
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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