Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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