Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
