Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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