You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
do herpes really smell.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
