I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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