She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
