Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
