Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
