just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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