For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
