just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
