he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
