In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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