quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
