i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
