so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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