the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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