Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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