I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
