Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
