i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
