I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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