why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
