If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
