plz talk dirty to me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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