Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
