I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
