your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
