Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
