you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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