lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
