Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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