I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
