Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
