Pappa wants mamma naked
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
