she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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