Sry I called you an 8
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
