I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
