She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
