I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
birth control should be required to get into college
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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