Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So vagazzling was a success
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
