I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
