Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
