I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
