Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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