Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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