Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize