so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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