every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
