i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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