I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
