Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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