he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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