$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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