Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
