Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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