The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
