I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
