I think i peed on brittanys purse
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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