Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
