Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
