6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
