i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
