I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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