I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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