he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
