dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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