So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
