For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
