he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
