I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
