hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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